Trusting In God's Timing

Most people learn this lesson by trying to find a guy to marry or while working to land their dream job. See, I've wanted to learn to trust God's timing through those, but I've been learning this lesson a different way.
I am learning this lesson through the very valuable item of cash money.
See, I hail from a very financially unstable, non-Christian family. We only survived sometimes on the pure charity of those around us, and sometimes on pure luck graced to us by the mercy of God.
I was never completely made nervous by our financial situation. Even when I was a relatively new Christian, I had this odd sense of peace that it would all work, especially the way God intended.
The thing about that feeling back then, though, was that I couldn't find the words for the miracles happening in my families lives daily. And that was because I saw the pain and loss that came with it. I don't think I wanted to credit God with our ups when our family was so burdened with downs.
Fast forward to the first leg of my college journey, as I "lived on my own" for the first time. In my first year I was decently strapped for cash, but I had that same sense of peace I harbored as I was growing up. In that peace, I was able to watch something miraculous happen. I had everything I needed, and most of what I wanted, and them some. There were points where that extra cash was literally a dollar, but that dollar was all I needed until my next income came through.
I'm going to fast forward again, and this time to the present, to a simple story that took place while I was working simply days ago.
While working the sweet shop at the camp ground I intern at, we began to run very low on one dollar bills and quarters--the two most popular currencies to hand back as our booming amount of customers showed up with 20's in hand. I began to panic as I handed a child our last one. I said a silent prayer as the next student started ordering. He pulled out his money to pay--two dollars. And so did the next kid. And the next. When we ran our of quarters only minutes later, the next kid who showed up to order at our window payed for the whole thing in--you guessed it--quarters.
When I saw God's goodness in play, I teared up. I realized the lesson that had been flying over my head all these years:
God provides exactly what we need, exactly when we need it if we trust in Him and His direction.
This whole time, God has been providing me with what His will had prescribed.
My financial situation isn't fabulous as of today. I've been trying to save for a motorized vehicle, but suddenly the world has thrusted this huge stop sign and a hefty fine in my way of that. My recent lesson of discernment had me hit my brakes just in time.
This vehicle I've been saving for? I'm not going to get it--yet. If I do, it'll look very different than the plan I've had. God wants me to save, but for now it isn't in the quantity I've been thinking of for a car, if it's for a car at all.
His timing right now has something even greater in store for me. And just like how I trusted I would have a dollar to my name always, that my family would keep a roof over their head, that I wouldn't run out of money to make change at the snack shop, I trust that God has perfect timing for everything in my life--not just finances--and in His timing, everything will be good.
Reap in the glory of God's emotional and physical timing,
Ali

Living Not for Myself

God has a better idea of where I'm heading than I do. I think I touched on that in my last post a bit. I'm basically a lost college student who can't figure out their way.
I've spent a lot of time letting myself be that lost college student. I was trying to forage my own path in the darkness.
But I was doing it without my guiding light.
So I was heading where I was called, but I wasn't going along the path God planned for me. That path was dark and lonely and cold. I'll forever be marked by how desolate that path was.
Let's back track to the beginning of September 4 years ago, when I was embarking on my freshman year of college. I'd just come out of my first summer working out at a summer camp and my heart longed for the community that I had just left.
I was camp sick for it constantly my first month. After I got over my camp sickness, I wasn't just sad--I felt a pull to go back.
The camp I was from has a program for college students. God made it very clear to me that he wanted me to work at camp for my career. I interpreted that as going into the camping ministry program at this college that seemed so perfect for me; the one that would forgive my loans; the one where I had made amazing friends; the one where I got to live the true college experience for God.
But that wasn't the path. I think you can kind of figure out which of the two options had God's stamp of approval.
There are two voices in my life. One of them is God, and that voice is undeniable. When God speaks to me, I know it without a doubt. I don't even need to think about what He's telling me to do because it is such an undeniable voice. But there's also this other voice in my mind, the voice of my own desires that sometimes overrides the voice of God.
That happened here.
God had revealed to me his path, but I listened to my own voice to find the direction to get there.
And I saw the consequences in my life. I struggled with depression and eating disorders for two and a half years on and off before I had to sit myself down because I finally heard God screaming for my attention.
He'd been screaming for years and I was so engrossed in the voice of my desires that I was deaf to God.
So I made a major life change. Sometimes I still get sad as I think about the fact that I left my traditional college life to take on an internship and online classes. But at the end of the day, I'm so happy because I'm growing closer to God and his purpose for my life daily. I'm overcome with joy to clean toilets, to deal with insane campers, and to even live in the camp bubble for life.
I see different directions God wants me to go coming into play, different callings and longings. I still pray over them as they come around.
Because I never want to make the mistake of living for myself again.
In the next year, I'm going to live for God. He's already lead me toward different adventures that I'll be taking in the next year or so, and now together we plan them. These adventures aren't just adventures, but new endeavors--new programs I want to start at the camp I work at, finishing up my novels, taking these amazing classes, investing in spectacular people.
And God is so good about it all.
I can't wait to live for Him as I move toward the future.
See ya next time,
Ali

I'm Just A Girl

Okay, that's a lie right there. Don't hate me 'cause I'm not telling the whole truth, though. I am a girl (or at least I'd hope I am). There's just a lot more to me than a simple, common identifier.
See, I'm a coffee-loving, Jesus-adoring, yoga-obsessed, blogging-freak of a girl who you happen to be reading about. In between all that, I'm also a  hopeful novel writer, a true awkward soul, an ENFJ (for those that find any meaning in that), and I intern out at a Christian summer camp ALL YEAR ROUND while I finish my online college degree (yes, I'm that girl). Needless to say, I'm ambitious. Like really ambitious.
And I wouldn't be going anywhere if it weren't for the Lord.
So I want to share in this crazy, scary, awkward mess I call my life as God works in it to make it good. I don't know where He is taking me, but I'm currently on a mission to find out.
I could probably care less if anyone ever reads this or follows my stories. I just wanted a place where I could feel accountable for the journey I'm embarking on.
I hope to bring to this blog my takes on life issues at play around me on the daily, share some cute/funny/atrocious/& even heartbreaking stories I've come across and will come across, share my Jesus findings, talk about my workouts once in a while, and share a few pieces from my lifestyle blogging at Puckermob (you can check out my PM profile here if you just can't seem to wait for that!)
My goal for this blog isn't to make a profit or even to build an audience. Through everything, I just want to let Jesus' light shine into the world and somehow grow in the process. I'm an awful evangelist, but a pretty decent writer. I thought bringing my ministry and my writing and my dorkiness together into a giant cesspool of weirdness would get me where I think I want to go, but definitely where God wants me to go.
So pray for me. Right now I can honestly say I need it. I'm heading down paths I can't really catch sight of and any words of encouragement are helpful.
I hope to blog every day, but that's an overshot. You'll at least get to deal with me once a week. With the way I've been feeling lately, you'll probably hear from me quite often as we start out.
Until next time friends,
Ali

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